He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he gaze long into the abyss... only to find his own reflection.

Becoming a Grown-up.

This year's diary is going to be different. I am going to be adding to this starting from today, 6/25/16. Days going forward will be added at the bottom, and days going backward will be added at the top.


Been sober for about 30 days now. Again, as in 2006 (pre diary days), after being sober for a while the reasons for why I drink start bubbling up into my head...

The reasons are:

Alcohol calms it.
Alcohol suppresses it.
Alcohol suppresses it.
Bad Days
Alcohol to pass out.

The only thing I can do is keep my mind occupied by immersing it in a complex, detailed, creative endeavor -- and to do it obsessively and compulsively. Every day. All day.

Like what Harlan Ellison said about writing -- I do this "because I have to".

Writing Down the Pain
I'd like just once to fall asleep feeling good about myself. Just once. Drunken stupors do not count.